This is a post/blog where all my crap goes.
Today I went to lunch with her, not expecting any troubles, and since it HAS been a while since we had lunch together at Mid. Everything went fine up till halfway through the day.
I know I recently said to her that I'd start on being a better friend, and try to slowly let go of it. And I've been doing fine up till the last few days. It seems that sitting idly at home not doing anything makes me prone to relapse. Which is what happened. I don't think I was myself for the last few days. Wake up at noon, eat something, then sleep some more. Then wake in the night, surf the net, and make myself think some more. I think it was the songs that made me relapse. It's not that I want to hear those kinda songs; I just so happen to set my mp3 on random mode, and the ones that came out really gave me a headache, heartache whatever.
Apparently, the song was: Maroon 5 - ~Rag Doll~ and ~Sweetest Goodbye~
Then I was like, nah, kankei naindeshou. Then the rest of the way, was more of something like that.
In short, that night didn't end up well.
And today we went to have lunch, nice sushi place by the way, almost missed it caused it was kinda unorthodox-looking shop. After eating, we went to take a stroll. Then along the way, I find my hand itching again. I know, I SUCK. I was thinking, that maybe I shouldn't do this anymore. No matter what I say or do, it'll end up the same and I won't get anywhere. I realized because, this isn't Osaka anymore. And we both did agree not to do anything stupid anymore, so I get it. But getting it and controlling your emotions, especially if you're the emotionally driven idiot like me, are two different matters. So it ended up again me being quiet and not wanting to look at her throughout the trip back. I'd doubt that she didn't notice it; she knows me too well I guess. I just hope she isn't bothered much by this.
I just don't know what I should do now. Or even what is what. Who everybody is. Or rather, who I am to everyone else. Fuck it lah.
