I am depressed?

I think I am depressed. Nah, I am depressed.

There's no point in hiding it, I guess. But, I just can't bring myself to just tell everyone that I'm sick and just make everyone worried. It's even worse that way. It'll probably be the last thing that I ever want to happen, which is why the idea of suicide or even my death would be out of the question. Chill guys. I'm not THAT sick, aite. =D

Is it this campus life that I'm sick of probably? Or maybe it's just my club activities? Or rather it is something entirely different? Maybe I'm just homesick huh. Every time I'd open my Facebook, Twitter or stuff like that, it'll probably end up with me being all shitty like this. Maybe, it takes time, but, eventually.

I used to think that I was a happy and bright person. Now, I just don't give a shit. I just hate myself. That is probably it. Alone, I just crumble like a cookie doused in milk. But, why I don't really show this to my family, friends or people, is a mystery. Do I want to show them that I am strong? Or do I just fear the idea of being thought of as a weak one. Maybe it is just the same thing, those two. If there is a light, then there'd be a shadow, as they say. Which reminds me that I used to firmly believe that there was always 2 sides about everything; just like a coin.

For the past 2 years, I have probably been trying to cut ties with all my past, so that I could move on with the present as a normal, functioning human being. Because if I didn't, I'd be dead sooner than I already predicted. It's hard when you are the kind of person where you live your life as if you had to live it for someone else's sake. Unless there is actually someone, you'd always feel and see yourself half-empty, and not half-full. And so I did abandon my past. For a while. Sometimes I do get reminded. But just as long as they are just being nothing but simply reminders, it feels like it's all gonna be alright. Smooth sailing wasn't meant for huh.

Eventually, some things just do find their way back. Like they never left at all in the first place. Hiding somewhere. Just waiting for all the right moment to appear again. Or the wrong one. All those good old days. Those priceless moments where you feel invincible. All the bonds that you made with your so-called soulmates, best friends, lovers, and so-on. It's all good you know, all these memories. But memories.... are just memories, in the end. Together, with someone, it'll be cherished, maybe immortalized. Alone, with nobody around you, it'll just be another sad reflection of the days that had went by blissfully, stuck on playback mode indefinitely.