It's been a while.

It's been a while.

Been 2 years actually, and you are still alive. Congratulations.

And....some things have changed.

You've started to realize that you aren't really a nice person. But, by no means that you also think you are a horrible person. You realize that, you, and everybody else in this retarded little world, are human. Thus, we make mistakes. We aren't perfect. And I admit it as well. Mistakes make you stronger, wiser and a better person, supposedly.

But, what does being strong actually mean? You went to being alone and left behind all those that was with you. Some people call it running, but could you actually run away without any courage? That's what you did 2 years ago. You came to a foreign land, got separated from everybody and had to make your way again to your own haven. You thought you'd found it at first, but....looks was deceiving you. You were lonely, I guess.

You'd meet all kinds of people. Groups, ethnics, clicks, you name it. Been to almost every one of them. And you'd fall for all of them. Get torn apart while in the making. You'd wonder who you actually are from time to time. That's where you'd start to actually lose yourself. Be careful.

And after all these years. Thought you'd forgotten about it. Love can be torturing, especially when you're the non-receiving part of it. All these feelings, that you've kept away hidden subconsciously this whole time, rose up from the deepest, darkest parts of my heart which I didn't even knew of, and came spewing about like a fucking angry volcano. Painful, nostalgic, but pure feelings just came and tried to sweep you away.

Why can't you just move on. There's just nothing left for you but to just add more salt to the wound. You're just slowly killing yourself, and you know it.....but it's just the way you are. And I'm getting weaker as well. I might as well just disappear.

Eastern Youth - 夜明けの歌(Yoake no Uta)

「....逃げても、逃げても、逃げても、朝がくる。涙が、止まらない......」